


You're The Life Among The Dead

by midnightwriter



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Between season 2 and 4, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, M/M, Rickyl Writers' Group, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-27
Updated: 2015-12-27
Packaged: 2018-05-09 19:11:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5551922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnightwriter/pseuds/midnightwriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It was strange how something they both knew was wrong could bring them to life again. It was a sign of the end of the world that making something so wrong was the only reason they had to live anymore. It was so wrong... And nothing else felt as right as it."</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're The Life Among The Dead

**Author's Note:**

> English isn't my first language and I don't have a beta. So I'll appreciate if you point mistakes and typos. I hope you enjoy! It has a happy ending, I promise!

The first time they had sex was many months ago, a couple of months after leaving Hershel's farm. Rick was trapped in his non-relationship with Lori. He was cold to her and she was cold to him. They were both stuck in this childish competition to see how long they could ignore each other while never staying ten feet away from each other.

This situation with his wife along with the food and water running out was taking its toll on him. He had never felt so unbalanced before. And on top of all that was the sense of lost on his chest and shoulders. He didn't care that Shane had tried to kill him and acted like an asshole those last weeks before his death... Before he shot his best friend dead. He still missed him. As his wingman, as his best friend, as his confidant, as his companion. He missed how the man would fill every single second of silence with his stupid talking. He missed Shane's voice more than he missed Lori's. Yet he had none. He only had the moan of the dead and the rumble of empty stomachs to fill the silence, everyone was too afraid to say anything, afraid of what they would attract with their voices and, at some point, it just felt like they all forgot how to speak. Reduced to grunting and nodding.

Until one day, when the weight of the silence was strangling him as if it had hands of its own, Daryl suggested he went hunting with him. Daryl's mouth said that they needed the food, they should hunt while the snow was giving a break. Daryl's eyes said he knew Rick needed to go away for a little while, he was there to help him not do all the heavy lifting by himself. He didn't understand that at the time, but Daryl's silence and unsaid words were different, they were helpful and welcomed.

Daryl used the time to teach him to use the crossbow, to walk in silence like him, to track game, and to know the difference between the tracks of walkers, people and animals. Rick didn't see back them that he was doing all of this to distract Rick's thoughts from everything that he has been carrying on his shoulders.

They intended to go back to the house they were camping before dark, but a small herd of maybe thirty or forty walkers forced them to hide and wait. They found a tent on the middle of the forest, protected by a low and slightly destroyed fence. They lured the two walkers inside the tent to come out and killed them, letting the bodies close to the tent in the hope that it'd help to hide their scent from other walkers. The night was cold and they had only one blanket. If it was before the apocalypse, it probably would be weird or awkward to share a bed and a blanket with a friend, especially like this, with their bodies so close and their backs touching, each one keeping watch in the vain attempt to sleep.

Then it happened.

Rick can't really remember how it started or who started, he only remembers the warmth of Daryl's skin against his. The feeling of coming undone under someone's touch. He had forgotten how it felt to have a fire burning each of his cells. The concept of pleasure had been foreign to him for so long that he could only think of making this moment last forever, but being so long since the last time, he didn't manage to last very long. But when his limbs became intertwined with Daryl's, the warmth and sweat being shared so closely, he didn't mind how long the sex had lasted because this was even more needed. This proximity and intimacy were exactly what he had been missing, what he had been craving. He didn't know how Daryl knew what even himself didn't know, except that this mind reading ability had always been there between the two of them.

The next day, they went back to the house and shot a deer on their way. Everyone was happy with their return and with the food, thanking Rick and Daryl and telling them how glad they were that they came back. Daryl was soon escaping to the roof, not used to praise or usually feeling suffocated by all these people being around him. He came back a few minutes later, remembering he was the only one who knew how to skin a deer.

When it was finally ready, everyone ate it with gusto. For the first time since he left the farm, Rick caught himself thinking about the life from before. The flash of a long-forgotten memory came to his mind, one where his five years old son was crying and making a scene on a restaurant because he didn't want to eat his vegetables. At the time, he had been impatient with his son and with how Lori was handling the situation, but, right now, the memory almost made him break down in tears. Nothing made his heart ache more than to think about his son having to live - no, not live - survive in this word. Not even the silence was as awful as that thought.

There he noticed a common situation, Daryl giving a portion of his own food to Lori. He always felt guilty for not being the one to share his food and silently angry at Lori and that _thing_ in her belly for forcing Daryl and other people to eat less, even if they were much more helpful to the group than her. Then he hated himself for his thoughts. Rick wasn't aware at the moment that Daryl would share his food not only because of his big heart but also because he felt guilty of his feelings towards Rick.

They never talked about what happened that night between them. Daryl acted as if it had never happened and Rick saw himself forced to do the same, even if the memories of that night often came back to his mind. The night had been too dark for them to seen anything and they didn't light up their flashlights or started a fire, too afraid that it would attract walkers. So mostly he remembers the feelings and the movements and the sounds they tried to not let escape their mouths. Rick wasn't sure if the memory would come back to his mind so often because it was a good one or if because it was the memory of the only non-awful thing that happened to him in so much time.

Then it happened again.

Rick was on watch duty that night, sitting at the roof of the small building they were using as a camp for that week. It only had three floors and they were all piled on the second floor. The place used to be a big and fancy store full of Armani and Gucci and other unpronounceable names that they mostly used to make a fire. He changed his shift with Glenn that night since the weight of everything was once more cumulating on his shoulders and he needed some time to think without everyone's eyes on him, questioning him, judging him, and waiting for him to have all the answers or to just break down.

Daryl came from behind, not being silent as usual but purposely stepping hard, to let Rick know that someone was approaching. He sat next to Rick with their shoulders brushing and put another blanket around the two of them. They stayed there for long minutes, enjoying the heat emanating from each other and the peace and quiet it brought to their minds.

Rick had felt guilty the first time they did it, thinking how could he cheat on his wife like this. Not even thinking about Lori and Shane together made his guilty go away. It was a different situation with them, Lori didn't know Rick was alive. But Rick knew she was alive, he knew exactly where she was. But not even the guilty could stop him from doing it again. He wasn't sure if anything could've stopped them.

Once more they were against the floor with only one blanket to cover them, and the other blanket on the floor to not let the cold from the concrete reach them. Once more it was too dark to properly see something, feelings guiding them through the motions. Once more Rick let all of his worries be forgotten, he let Daryl take everything from him and give him everything all at the same time. Once more he took everything and gave everything to Daryl all at the same time. Once more they burned themselves with the fire of desperation, of craving, of need. Once more they didn't talk about it the next day or the one after that.

However, two weeks later they were giving in once again to those feelings. Rick kept feeling guilty and Daryl kept feeding Lori with his own food. They kept doing it every two weeks or so, even when they were too hungry and too skinny and too weak. It was strange how something they both knew was wrong could bring them to life again. It was a sign of the end of the world that making something so wrong was the only reason they had to live anymore. It was so wrong... And nothing else felt as right as it. The only sad part is that after that first night on the tent, they never slept together for the whole night. And the lack of that intimacy made them feel like something was missing every time.

Then they found the prison.

The thought of a roof above their heads and walls and a fence protecting them against the bad things from the world was enough to make them feel hopeful again. They weren't sure of Rick's plan at first, but in a few days, they were feeling strangely at home. Until tragedy came upon them and destroyed everything they had, especially their hope.

Rick lost his wife and felt guilty for everything he made to her, how he cheated on her for months while she was pregnant with his new daughter. Judith. Just thinking about her made him feel even more guilty. His suffering and doubts made him reject her while his job was to protect her. If not for Daryl, he's sure that his daughter would be as dead as her mother. Once again, Daryl was there by his side, knowing exactly what Rick needed him to do. And he wanted to be thankful, however, Daryl was avoiding him. He wasn't ignoring Rick or keeping distance, he was just avoiding his gaze. Rick knew he was feeling as guilty as he was about Lori's death. He knew that if he looked in Daryl's eyes he would see the question "if I hadn't slept with her husband would they still be together and maybe still alive?". The answer was no, but the following weeks didn't allow him to explain this.

Daryl was kidnapped and then he ran away with his brother, making Rick lose the rest of his fragile sanity. When Daryl came back, things weren't better. Bad thing after bad thing happened to them, to their group. Rick felt pretty silly for ever thinking that this new world would offer anything besides death and sorrow to them. He wished he could go back in time and tell himself to never leave that hospital bed, to never know what was beyond those white walls because the price he had been paying was too high. And he was starting to wonder if it was worth. What had he to live for? His son, his daughter and people who depended on him. And every single one of them was going to be dead sooner than later.

Regardless of that, his people survived and multiplied. His tiny group became a larger one. The moans of the dead replaced by the laugh of people, the sound of their conversations while they did their assignments and all the others typical noises that people did before when they weren't afraid of what noise could attract.

Since the weight of the world had become, once again, too heavy for Rick to carry on his shoulders, he decided to abdicate his functions as a leader. He decided to focus on what he had been neglecting before, his daughter and his son. He did so many things to protect them that he forgot to actually be with them. He began to focus on making his group and his home thrive in other ways, by taking care of the plantations. No longer having to worry about eminent death and possible threats.

Yet, he still felt like he was only surviving. The sparkle of life wasn't there. The sadness was still there, hidden beneath the layers of the lie he told people, the lie that he was fine.

A thought came to his mind, one that hadn't crossed it for months. He remembered Daryl's touch against his skin, the way his fingers and tongue made him feel alive and burning. His friendship with the man had finally become better, Daryl was looking into his eyes without flinching and Rick was afraid that his thoughts weren't going to help him keep things like this. He didn't want to ruin or complicate things. Still, he couldn't stop thinking about it. The memories from that night all those months ago, the first night, made his heart hurt in different ways than usual. He wished he could go back to that night and hold the man in his arms a little more, to challenge luck and use his flashlight to put some light in the tent, so he could see the man and register every piece of that warm and welcoming skin of his. But it was selfish, he couldn't do that, not to Daryl.

Rick was convinced that he shouldn't do anything when Daryl showed up in his cell during a night after a supply run. He sat on the floor next to Rick, who was sleeping when he came. Rick opened his eyes and looked into the archer's. It was as dark as that first night and all the nights after that, he could barely see Daryl, yet he knew the look that was on his face, knew the thoughts that were in his head. He knew all that because they were the same look and thoughts inside his head. He moved closer to the wall, leaving an empty space on his bed and silently inviting Daryl to join him. The archer did.

It was even better than all the nights they shared before. This time, there wasn't the need to rush things, they could take their time. No herd was going to come, no one was going to see them and judge them for cheating on a pregnant woman, it wasn't cold and they had a mattress at least.

Rick let himself melt against the calloused hands of Daryl. He let the weight of the word once more be taken away from his shoulders. He let hope once again conquer him. He let Daryl take over every single one of his thoughts. He let the worries of being heard go away as he moaned and said Daryl's name out loud. He let life begin to be lived like he hadn't done in a long, long time.

When their breaths became steady again and sleep was taking over their sluggish bodies, Daryl tried to leave the bed. Rick pulled the archer even closer to his body. He put pressure on the arm spread across Daryl's stomach and put his leg between Daryl's.

"Stay." He asked. His voice rough with sleep.

"Is almost mornin', Rick. People will see us." Daryl responded without trying to leave Rick's hold.

"Let them see."

"Ya don't mean that."

"I do, Daryl. I really do. I'm tired of not getting what I want, of seeing everything I have being lost to this world. So, if I want to be with you so you can make my life worth living, I won't let anything or anyone stay between us. But if you want to leave because you don't want me like this, then I'll let you go."

"I want you like this." Daryl said after long minutes of deep breathing.

"Good. 'Cause I want you like this too."

Daryl kissed Rick. It was too dark for him to see, but Daryl's eyes were filled with affection, happiness, love, and devotion. There were tears that refused to fall. There was pain on his chest, his heart didn't know how to deal with this many deep emotions all at once. He felt like exploding and imploding. Then Rick kissed him slowly and making sure to shed his own love and devotion against Daryl's lips. They closed their eyes and, for the first time, didn't have trouble to fall asleep nor were haunted by nightmares.

They were awakened by the sound of people getting up and starting to walk, to talk, to laugh, to live. The sound that now seemed like music to Rick's ear. They didn't want to get up, feeling too comfortable in each other's arms. For the first time, they were together during daylight and Rick felt a whole new range of emotions with just that. They were about to start to talk or kiss when someone barged in.

"I'm sorry to wake you up, Rick. But Judit-"

Beth stopped in the middle of her sentence as she took note of the two men laying on the bed covered only by a thin sheet. Her eyes were wide and surprised as she kept Judith firmly against her torso. They could see her brain trying to understand the scene and Rick could see that Daryl had started to panic.

"Morning, Beth." Rick said. He moved away of Daryl just enough to sit on the bed, his hand on Daryl's arms, massaging it. He felt Daryl relaxing under his touch.

"Mo-morning, Rick. Daryl." She said looking at the two of them while trying not to.

"She's fussing about sleeping in your cell again?" Rick asked.

"Yeah. Sorry, I didn't know you had, hm, company. I can take her to Carol or Karen." Beth responded giving one step behind, ready to leave the room.

"It's ok. You can leave her here. No one can soothe her better than Daryl anyway."

Beth gave tentative steps towards the bunk. Then she handed Judith to Daryl, who still was only half sitting. He held Judith against his bare skin, a smile spreading across his face as soon as she was in his arms. Beth walked out of the room as soon as she was able too.

"Think ya jus' scarred her for life." Daryl said after she left the cell. He was patting Judith's back and rocking her with care, trying to soothe her whimper.

"She'll get over it." Rick shrugged appreciating the scene in front of him.

Not two minutes later, Carl barged in the cell.

"Dad-"

Wherever he would say was now forgotten. Rick and Daryl felt ashamed, not only for being naked underneath the sheet but because none of them had thought about Carl's feelings when they agreed to let the world know about them. They were so consumed by their lust and love, and so tired of hiding it, of not allowing themselves to have it, that they forgot completely about the one person they could hurt by doing it. Who was the same person they didn't want to suffer any more than he already had.

Both their hearts started to beat faster and they hold their breaths, waiting for whatever reaction Carl would have. They were definitely waiting for the worse since the worst was usually what they got in this world. Their mind was working faster than ever, thinking about all the possible ways to explain the situation, and how to deal with it in the best possible way. Their minds in sync as much as everything else about them.

"Uh, sorry. I'll come back later." The boy said awkwardly, making a beeline to get the hell out of there. Then he stopped and without turning his head to them, he asked: "This means I get to go out with Daryl to hunt?"

"You're not going out."

Rick answered quickly, his mind started to worry about a whole new range of things such as Carl going out and getting himself killed or going back to that cold person he was becoming after Lori's death, after having to kill his own mother to secure his sister's life.

His son response was only a grunt, much like Daryl's or one that a teenager boy would do as a comeback to something his parents said to him. Rick felt relieve wash over him. Because he son was starting to come out of that cold shell and becoming normal again or as normal as one could be in this world at least. And because he wasn't mad at his father or at Daryl. He smiled to Daryl, astonished by his son's reaction. Daryl was smiling in his own way, almost invisible to everyone except Rick.

"I think that went well." He commented a few minutes later, observing the way Judith was giggling thanks to Daryl. He could relate to his daughter reaction towards Daryl, he would have to control himself very hard to no giggle every time Daryl so much as looked at him.

"Thought he'd be mad."

"Thought that too. Glad we were wrong, though." Daryl nodded in agreement.

They sat in peace for long minutes. They heard the noise become less and less loud, indicating that people had finished their breakfast and now were out doing their chores for the day. Judith was still on Daryl's lap, enjoying the warmth from the hunter's body soothing her, getting her close to sleep. Rick's chest was feeling too small for his heart right now. He was drinking in the image of his lover keeping his daughter safe once more. His mind wandered to dark places for a few seconds, guilty overcoming him. But as soon as Daryl touched his hair, lacing his fingers in a few of his curls, he relaxed again. Proof of how much he needed Daryl since the man was the only one who could take him away of the dark corners of his mind.

He was about to kiss Daryl when someone else barged in his cell. He thought about how much he missed doors and locks. Ironically, privacy didn't exist even if he was pretty sure that almost everyone was dead.

"Rick! Are you sick? Why aren't you out there worki-" Carol stopped talking as soon as she saw her best friend laying in bed with Judith in his arms and Rick next to him, only a thin sheet shielding the two of them against the world.

"Well, clearly you have good reasons to stay in bed." She said, making Daryl blush and Rick grinned.

"Yes, we do. We might not be able to get out of here today." He said, trying to keep his face stern and serious, but failing.

"Oh, yes, I can see that. Well, boys, you have fun. Lord knows you both deserve it. Here, give me Judith."

She came closer to the bunk and stretched her arms. Daryl felt reluctant in giving Judith to her, but after seeing the lust in Rick's eyes, he thought better of it. He kissed her forehead and gave her to Carol, who winked knowingly. She left the cell while rocking Judith against her chest.

As soon as she left, Rick climbed on top of Daryl, kissing him like he was the last drop of water left on the desert. He didn't mind that this action made the sheet fall from him and how his body was bare to the world to see.

Rick readjusted himself next to Daryl and Daryl covered both their bodies with the sheet again, placing his hand inside it and on Rick's skin. Less than two seconds later, as they were ready to follow Carol's order and have fun, yet another person barged in. But Maggie was so fast on her moves that Rick didn't have time to process the frustration and anger he was feeling.

"It's true! It's true!" She exclaimed excited next to the bed. Daryl hid his face on the pillow and pulled the sheet over his head, too ashamed and too frustrated to do anything else.

"I can't believe you finally did it! You're finally together!" She threw herself on top of both of them, hugging them in the most awkward way possible.

"You're not wearing anything underneath this sheet, are you?" She asked. Rick shook his head slowly. She left their bed in less than a second, slightly horrified but still quite happy.

"Sorry. Carol told me and I _had_ to come here and see by myself. You know how long I've been waiting for you two to get your shit together? A long time." She punctuated her words using her hands.

"How did you know?" Rick asked, curious since aside from Beth, everyone was receiving this news very easily like it wasn't new at all.

"Oh, everybody saw it coming months ago. You two walk up and down together all the time and if you sneeze Daryl's right next to you holding a rag for you to clean up. It's sickening to watch, really. I've been thinking to say for you two to go get a room for ages now. I'm glad you did it before I had to say anything."

"I'm glad too." Rick told, not even wanting to imagine how awkward that situation would've been since they had been on a break or something like that since they arrived at the prison, but had already shared a 'bed' for many nights before that.

"Well, I'll leave you two lovebirds alone and I'll make sure no one comes in." She winked at them.

"How you're gonna do it?" Ricked questioned her, interested in knowing how to make people stop barging in.

"Just gonna tell everyone you're having sex. That must keep them out."

She left before Rick had any chance of telling her not to do it. He blushed hard at the thought of everyone knowing about his sex life like that but soon he thought it was a small price to pay for having Daryl all to himself for the whole day.

"She left already."

"Know that. I'm not deaf." Daryl answered grumpy, lowering the sheet and turning to look at Rick.

"You think that, by any chance, she was kidding and saying that just to mess up with us?" Rick asked hopefully.

"Hell no! Between her and Carol gossipin' around, everyone already knows. Hell, the fuckin' walkers probably know too." Rick chuckled at that.

He was so relieved that everyone knew what he had been keeping a secret for so long. He was glad that everyone seemed happy for them, seemed to be cheering for his and Daryl's happiness for longer than he thought they deserved it. He kissed Daryl's lips again and kissed every piece of skin he could reach with his mouth, feeling something that he hadn't felt in a long, long time: Alive.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the song "Bring Me To Life" by Evanescence since it was this song that inspired this fanfiction.
> 
> Third fic on the same week? Damn, I'm highly productive when I'm on vacation! =O
> 
> First, I thought about making the end really sad, telling of how they had to run in different directions after the prison. Then I decided to not go there because I didn't want to hurt myself writing about such things.
> 
> Your feedback is more than welcomed! =D


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